He thought he was imagining it when he saw her name light up on his phone. It was the middle of the night in Norway and he couldn’t see straight, but he could see her picture and an incoming call from her on his phone, looking like all he has ever wished or wanted for the past three months.
He hesitates at first, because what if she didn’t mean to call him or what if she is drunk. What if his heart is beating so fast that it feels like it is going to burst out of his chest for nothing. What is she is just calling to be cruel, to remind him one more time about all that he did, all that he messed up and how it will never be the same. Justin grabs hold of the phone and answers the call, rolling over in his bunk on his bus.
“Selena?”
There is silence on the other end of the phone and Justin sighs, pulling the blanket over his arms as the cold air from the air conditioner makes his lonely bed feel even lonelier. He tries again, “Sel?”
“Selena, are you there?”
A small, defeated voice responds. “I’m here.”
Justin’s heart sinks, but goosebumps rise on his skin. He’s terrified, hasn’t heard that voice directed at him in days, weeks, or even months and it’s so painfully familiar. All the memories are stabbing at his heart, everything that he ruined and everything that got burnt to the ground with his destructive path.
“Oh, hi. Uh… how are you?”
Her voice stays soft, so different from the booming noise and laughter he is used to from their previous calls. “I’m not doing too well. You?’
“Far from okay.”
He can’t see it but she nods, snuggling closer to the pillow case with his face on it. Her sheets still smell like him, his body like a ghost in their house. She sees him in the mirrors and he’s sitting at the table with her during dinner, but he’s not. He hasn’t been home in four months, but his ghost remains.
It’s silent for a while on the line. Justin remembers the late night phone calls, despite the time difference they did it every friday night. He’d sing her to sleep, listen to the patterns of her breathing until he drifted off himself. Her breathing isn’t steady now, it’s alternates between rapid and slow, drawn out breaths.
“I still love you.” She says so softly he thinks he imagined it. But he didn’t it is ringing in his ear now, a beautiful echo.
He swallows the lump in his throat, “I’ve always loved you.”
It’s silent again, but this silence is heavy. He doesn’t speak because he can tell she wants to say something, wants to ask him something or just tell him off once more. He can just tell, and finally she does speak. “You really fucked up a lot of good things, you know?”
“I know.” He closes his eyes.
“You want to know what the most frustrating part of it all is?” Selena asks, and then begins without giving him time to answer, “I still love you through all of it. I still loved you when I saw those pictures and when I saw the video. I still loved you when you lied and said it didn’t happen, and even when you finally admitted to it. I still loved you when you made the same mistake twice, three times, and then we just lost count. I still love you when we leave each other and you try to bounce back with all those models. I try to go out with someone new who is honest and good, and I can’t do it. Because I look at him and I see you, because I still want you.”
Justin frowns, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“But,” He pauses a second to gather his courage, “I am. I’m sorry I did all of this. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never ever wanted to hurt you. And then I knew I was doing it and I kept doing it, kept doing the drugs and drinking and pushing you farther away from me. You were the one I was supposed to keep close and I didn’t and I’ll regret losing you for the rest of my life.”
“Justin, I can’t do this anymore.” She whimpers.
“I know, I’m so sorry. You’ll be okay -“
“No!” She cuts him off, “I mean being apart from you. I tried, I really did. And everyone is going to hate me but I can’t do it. I need to be with you, need to hear your voice in person and fall asleep with you because god dammit I haven’t slept a full night in months.”
He is speechless, can’t formulate the words because this feels like a dream. He must be dreaming. He pulls on his hair and pinches his legs and feels it all, feels the love rushing through his body. “I love you so much. I just, God I love you so much.”
-
It is a long flight for Selena, and it feels thirty times longer because she knows what is waiting for her when she lands. Unfinished business and broken promises, the boy who taught her to love with her beating heart. He taught her a lot of things actually, how to survive a broken heart and then how to survive that again. How to keep a heart stitched together with bandaids and duct tape, and it’s still beating heavy in her chest.
She steps off the plane and he’s there. He is in her favorite black jumper and sweatpants, looks half asleep and lazily staring at the moon until he sees her. But when he does he runs, jumps out of the car and sprints towards her. He holds her tight and whispers a promise into Selena’s ear that he’ll never let go.
He breaks that promise a few minuetes later when he does let go so he can grab her bags. And she knows that, knows that his specialty is breaking promises. She knows that he can’t focus on the conversation if the tv is on and that he hates the color yellow, knows his favorite hockey team is the one that hasn’t won a game in two years. She knows everything about this boy, and he knows everything about her. So maybe neither of them should have been so surprised that they ended up back in each others arms after all this. Because they do know what they have is the truest, most genuine form of love, and that is one thing they could never fight about.
I’m doing a camera give away. This is a brand new Canon Rebel T3i. (It comes with the box- I just took it out to show you what it looks like.) I already have a camera, but wanted to buy this one and give it away to one of you on tumblr.
Directions:
- You must be following me
- You can reblog this (likes don’t count) as many times as you want for a better chance of winning.
- I’ll message the person I choose, but please reply back as fast as you can.
- I ship worldwide and if you’re the winner we will discuss how we are going to send it.
I will be choosing on the 1st of June.
